Honestly, as much as I want to, I do not know how to explain and express myself before everyone. There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to make you understand why you cannot make me stop from going to church. I want you to feel the love of God that has never failed to comfort me. I want you to take hold of the promises of God despite our family situation. I want you to trust Him in fulfilling those in our lives. I want you to understand why I spend so much time in church and in fellowships. I am a leader now. I am part of a number of ministries. More than all these, I want you to be proud of me. I look forward to the day when you will be proud of me for standing firm. When you would say, “I thank the Lord for your life, my daughter, my sister, for holding on to your faith despite all the persecutions we brought you.” 

I do not know how exactly people see me. I receive messages and encouragements from them. They tell me that they are blessed with my life. You know what hurts me? Is that I don’t think you see me like how they do. Yes, real character is tested more in one’s home. I know I fail you. There were times I answered back to you dad and yelled at you my siblings. But is that as big as a wall to block you from seeing the goodness other people see in me? Sometimes I wished I was dead and hope that you would realize what and who you’ve lost. I pray. I pray for you to have even the smallest glimpse of my worth. 

There were times when we sit and talk. But you never really asked how I was doing. You know me—my positive and most of all my negative character. But I don’t think you really know me. But I want you to! I want you to know how God has changed and still changing my heart from glory to glory. I want you to know the servant of Christ my churchmates know that I am. I want you to know and hopefully understand why I choose Christ than anything this world has to offer.

I am hurt. But my God has always been with me—healing all my wounds. He has taught me so much about love and forgiveness through you. And this is still a work in progress. I do not know if I will be able to tell you all these. God knows my heart. And He will continue to fight for me.

I love you with the love God has put in my heart,

♥ ISH