Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.
— CS Lewis
It’s as if Lewis knew that I would go through exactly what he had written and that I would not have the right words to describe it.
Why would I question God? He never said that dying to self is easy. Dying is never fun at all. No way this could be a smooth ride. But I find comfort in the truth that as I die to myself, to my desires, to my flesh, I’m being made alive in Christ, in Spirit, and in Truth.
I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10) As I seek Christ, His heart, His righteousness, it is as if He is trying to break the things in me that is not from Him.
I will not trade this beautiful brokenness for things that are not eternal, for people whose lives are nothing but vapor. I find peace and joy that as I suffer with Christ in death, I will also share with Him a glorious resurrection.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18) I press on towards the goal. I give my life to serve His purpose. This is not about me. Not about what I want, and not about what I have to give up and surrender. I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. (Job 1:21) This is all about the Author and Finisher of my faith. He is worthy of every surrender, of every part of me, of all of me.
JESUS, be glorified!